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Desinta Arisade Halid
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generationgirl2030@hotmail.com

Legally 21, soon !
♥ Sexy ♥ Smart ♥ Sophisticated ♥

21 December 1989, Thursday.
Sagittarian/Capricornian.
Events Management Enthusiast.
Branch Secretary.

If you are hating, stop staring.™

Further Description of MYSELF :
She expresses herself through fashion, food, her lyrical writings, music and photography.
She organized her first gig, The Cynosure Theatre at the Singpore Art's House when she was barely 16 years old.
She enjoys meeting up with her dearest girlfriends and enjoy late night sessions of crapping, gossiping and smoking.
A self pro-claimed Facebook addict.
An avid blogger on most days when she doesn't suffer from bitch fits.
A person with flair and personality who doesn't resort to back hand tactics.
It makes her look all timid.
Like she emphasizes, if you are hating then stop staring.
Then, again.
Everyone is a critique.
And, I am extremely vulgar.
Did she mention that she has an obsession and addiction to a one-weird-eight-inch fetish ?

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» January 2007 » February 2007 » March 2007 » April 2007 » May 2007 » June 2007 » July 2007 » August 2007 » September 2007 » October 2007 » November 2007 » December 2007 » January 2008 » March 2008 » April 2008 » May 2008 » June 2008 » July 2008 » August 2008 » September 2008 » October 2008 » November 2008 » December 2008 » January 2009 » February 2009 » March 2009 » April 2009 » May 2009 » June 2009 » July 2009 » August 2009 » September 2009 » October 2009 » November 2009 » December 2009 » January 2010 » February 2010 » March 2010 » April 2010 » May 2010 » June 2010 » December 2010 » March 2011 » September 2011 » May 2013 » June 2013 » August 2013 » December 2013 » August 2014

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Check out my books on Goodreads : http://www.goodreads.com/profile/SynntaClaus

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Friday, October 24, 2008

Headaches.

I can't help but contemplate.

This wasn't the life I ever wanted.

No.

Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated ?

Have you ever thought of how everyone around you would feel ?

Did you ever notice that everyone gave up cleaning up all your messes for you ?

You were an utter disappointment and a grave embarassment.

I wish I could run far away and never come back.

Sometimes, I'd wish we weren't even related in anyway.

(Fly away.)

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Is that too much that I am asking for ?

(Fly away.)

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Is this getting over me or what ?

I really hate having weird thoughts in my head.

I hate thinking.

I hate my life.

I hate the people I am born with.

If I had an option, I would rather grow up as an orphan.

My parents and I have gotten along.

I guess that's fine.

I love some of my relatives.

They are freaking awesome.

Nina happens to be one of them.

Cik Ita is love too.

But, why the fuck do I have to around people like all of you.

You pisses the shit out of me.

All of you are an embarassement.

Shouldn't all of you fucking learn from each other's mistake ?

There are so many fucking living examples around.

Now, you have created another problem.

This time round it involves me.

I am a fucking kid.

What the fuck should I know.

Don't ever get me in your life story in any way.

I am and will never be like any of you.

I will prove it undeniably.

(Fly away.)

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Lost.

The karaoke outing with the ladies was gerek.

It was able to let my mind wander away from the troubles I am facing recently.

Fuck.

It really feels like shit.

I know no one will be able to help me.

I feel so stressed up.

I keep asking myself why do this bitches who brought this up upon themselves have to splash it all over me now.

It is not fair.

I wish I could kill them all.

I hate my life.

I am so fucking pissed off with the way they reacted at all this.

Can't you just fucking grow up.

Aaarrrggghhh ...

(Fly away.)

Monday, October 20, 2008

Disappointed.

I feel ashamed of everyone around me.

All of you should just get out of my life and die a terrible death.

Fuck you, all of you.

Shameless assholes.

(Fly away.)

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Stressed.

Lepas satu balak, lagi satu balak pulak muncul.

Aq betul stress at the moment.

Haish.

Finally, that big fight with Latiif is solved, ultimately.

Now, another problem is being created internally.

Asal nak kena babit kan aq indirectly ?

I am just an immatured girl.

Aq tak boleh take it bila kw tolak balak niie semua dekat aq.

Apa salah aq dengan korang semua.

Dulu, aq respect dengan kw.

Dari dulu, mana kw pergi, aq ikut.

Sekarang, korang nya masalah, aq, orang yang tak bersalah, mungkin jadi sasaran.

Kw tak kesian kan aq ke ?

Niie semua pasal korang nya foolish and stubborness.

Kenapa korang semua tak berfikir before you act ?

I am in no position to say anything.

But you should know better.

Sial lahh.

I am really disappointed with everyone around me.

Why can't all of you act and think like matured adults ?

Sial lahh, sampai bila seyy nak gaduh.

Kw fikir zaman primary school ehhk ?

Kental uhh korang.

Aq binget.

Perangai korang semua macam chee bye.

Aq benci korang teramat sangat tapi I have no choice.

After all, we are all family.

Fuck, you.

All of you.

(Fly away.)

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Latiif is love.

Yay.

I met with my dearest love after work, last night.

:D

We headed to Johor Bahru because he wants to top up petrol.

Before I met with Latiif, I was chilling with In at McDonalds.

Biasa uhh.

Kita kan hantu gossip.

Hahaha.

So, as usual, we decided to mengutuk orang, again.

Then, we left the place around 7.3oPM as In had to meet her bakal suami.

(:

I went home to shower and change before meeting dear bawah his block.

The trip to Johor Bahru was cold.

The traffic jam were horrible too.

Anyways, after the short road trip, we headed to a place that we didn't really go for a long time.

Hahaha.

I enjoy being cuddled by him so much.

The day had to end short because he has guard duty later on.

Fuck.

Did I mention I hate my life ?

-_-"

(Fly away.)

Friday, October 17, 2008

Laughters.

Okae, lepak dengan diorang gerek pe.

Tapi, Dayah lembab uhh.

Suspect kuat dia gulung rokok uhh dekat rumah.

Nak beli ?

They are called "Dayah's Chilli" uhh.

Cool pe.

Lol.

Curry and wasabi nya flavour pun ada.

Huhuhu.

Dahh lama si Dayah tuu tanam pokok rokok.

Eyy, rhyme uhh.

Semalam, kita mengutuk orang gerek pe ?

Hahaha.

All the whore's back in secondary school.

Abang Azrul is love.

So is Shida and Dayah.

Tapi ...

Semalam, Khai turun all the way from Bedok to meet me up.

Kesian seyy dia call aq pastu nangis.

I really hope the old Khairul Anwar will be back soon.

Please don't be sad my dear friend.

You know you can count on me.

Heart broken lahh kira kan.

Yang boyfriend aq niie pun tak baik jugak.

Suruh aq kirim salam dekat Khai cause aq dengan Khai kings and queens of gembeng.

Bastard kan ?

Aq gembeng pun nangis untuk kw.

Belo uhh luu.

Huhuhu.

Pecah perut seyy semalam ketawa.

Sampai tahan kencing.

Gerek pe.

Abang Azrul sampai tersembur air keluar.

Huhuhu.

Shida uhh nie.

Dahh that time, Dayah bilang, tersempak dengan si pendek tuu dekat Mustafa Centre.

Biasa uhh.

Shida nya holiday dahh nak dekat.

Nak kena beli baju uhh tuu.

Sari hijau dengan kuning hot stuff pe.

Jangan lupa jewellery sekali ehhk ?

Blink blinks mau lebih sikit.

Hahaha.

Henna dekat tangan tak pakai sekali ?

Garuk maha garuk, okae ?

That day was the day that I laughed so much.

(:

I really enjoyed myself so much.

Kalau aq continue blogging memang tak habis lerr.

Till then.

(Fly away.)

Thursday, October 16, 2008

The 6th monthversary.

Finally, all the torment I experienced these four days has been over.

We are back together again.

(:

I have not being eating nor sleeping well past few days.

Yesterday, I broke down badly in front of him.

He knows that I loved him so much.

He took a risk of asking me to leave him because he wants me to learn from my mistakes.

However, it's very harsh.

I still hurt that you asked me to let you go.

You know that I wouldn't.

Haish.

I was really afraid that I would go through pain again.

It really reminded me so much of the incident with Haidir, the ex-boyfriend.

When I was on my way to meet him, I was afraid.

What if he flared up ?

What if he shouted at me ?

What if he demanded that I get out of his sight ?

What if he told me he never wanted to see me again ?

I would be devastated.

I really enjoyed hugging me while we rode on bikey.

:D

I wish it could go on forever.

Anyways, a fucking idiot like totally spoiled my mood the whole day.

This is all bapak botak's fault.

Kw perangai macam pukimak, okae ?

Sundal nya chee bye.

Tak reti bahasa ehhk ?

Babi uhh luu.

Aq dahh cakap something wrong dengan aq nya Microsoft Outlook, kw masih berkeras and insists that I use Microsoft Outlook.

Kw ingat aq banyak masa pe nak peG godeh and make sure that fucking thing is functional.

Kw suruh aq tanya semua orang how to set Microsoft Outlook nya settings.

Kw fikir semua orang free macam kw pe ?

Babi.

Sedang kan infocomm executive sendiri tak tau macam nak set this bloody thing.

Aq tanya satu bapak niie, dia pun tak tau.

Then, what the fuck you expect me to bloody do sia.

Senang cakap uhh.

Kerja dengan kw, irritating.

Muka kw mintak kena tumbuk uhh.

Aq serious shit binget dengan kw.

Sial lahh.

Babi kw.

Dahh lahh pelokek nak mampus.

Nasib baik kw tak turun office everyday.

Kalau tak, kerja dengan kw aq boleh jadi gila.

I fucking hate you.

Okae, bye.

Nak lepak with all my loves.

:D

Latiif is love.

Blueks.

Labels: Our anniversary.

(Fly away.)

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

1 day till the 6th monthversary.
Day 4 that we are almost messaging yet not talking.

I woke up late today for work.

I really wish I didn't have to wake up.

I feel so worn out.

)':

I wished I'd just die and not live and go through this.

Last night, I couldn't hold back my tears once more.

I cried, again.

This time round, it hurts more than the first time.

I know I promised myself I wouldn't cry.

I am not that strong anymore.

My heart's shattered into a million pieces.

I'm picking up the pieces I have found scattered on the floor.

I sat in a corner and mend them tediously.

A strong wind blew and the pieces scattered all over the floor again.

I'm left alone in this dark room.

No one could here my pleas and cries.

I search for an opening only to find the room shrinking.

Is this what's left of me ?

The questions linger through my head.

I thought too much that my brain almost exploded.

Did you feel this way too ?

Why are you the one I missed so much ?

I really tried, honey.

Then, I felt so disappointed.

Why'd you have to give me all those excuses ?

You told me you still felt for me.

Why do you make me feel this way then ?

It hurts so much.

I know I was in the wrong.

If only you would forgive me.

Then, you told me you'd be going away.

Isn't it a year from now ?

Are you telling me you don't want to spend the moments together till that day comes ?

Neither am I comparing you with anyone.

I have never compared you with anyone.

But, then again, we could and find a way through all this.

Theoratically, technology is so advance this days.

Are you telling me we couldn't find a solution ?

I never expected too much.

I felt scarred when you sort of sided her.

Why is it, I became the world's meanest person person because of a small matter like this.

Why are you keen to give her so many chances despite of the fact of whom she is ?

I learn and I change.

I really tried very hard.

When will you see all this ?

I'm willing to sacrifice a little bit.

Would you ?

I received a sudden arrangement from you to meet me around your neighbourhood.

Would I break down right before your eyes ?

Would you say things that will bruise me ?

Would you hug me like before ?

Would I be able to feel those soft warm lips ?

Would you love me like before ?

I seriously don't know.

What if the worst is yet to come ?

I really can't imagine how I will react.

To all those who stood by me, thanks alot for being there in my time of need.

Especially to all those loving colleagues, I love all of you.

Thanks for making me better and giving me the best colleagues God can ever give.

Fion and Shida, I love you ladies too much.

Sorry if I was being a bitch.

At times, I'd bottle up all my feelings and everyone will thing I am fine.

Yet, most days, I'll hide in my room and cry silently.

Today, I feel as though my head's about to pop and I'd go hysterical.

I told Fion that all my confidence and motivation disappeared.

Am I not capable anymore ?

I am really afraid if I'd go back down that man hole again.

I really don't wish to see my dark past ever again.

Today, I feel like giving up.

(Fly away.)

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

2 days till the 6th monthversary.
Day 3 that we are almost messaging yet not talking.

Today, I dread going to work again.

What's the point, it don't matter anymore.

I am afraid that I'm responsible for my own loneliness.

He called me a sweet talker last night.

I have never been and I have never known how to be a sweet talker.

He thought I was perfect before.

Baby, I was never perfect in my life.

Nobody is.

But, beneath my imperfections lies a heart.

I have always been me.

I have always been real.

I have always been sincere in everything that I say or do.

I make mistakes.

Sometimes, I say things that are explicit or mean.

I realise that.

But, I learn from my mistakes.

I guess, you learn from yours too.

I just don't understand why you always compare me with your ex-es.

I never liked that comparison.

I am different.

I've tried to change for the better.

You know I did.

You knew who I was way back then before I even knew you.

Are you blind not to see ?

I have never ever doubted us.

I have always loved you whole heartedly.

I never expected you to give me anything.

I know you ride.

Unlike those petty girls, I have never demanded that you send me or fetch me to where ever I wanted to go.

I have always been thought and brought up to fend for myself.

Money was never the issue.

I loved you for you.

I just want you to give me the attention and love that I have long craved and yearned for.

Aq sayang kw, Latiif.

Asal kw nak kena ingat yang I'm here to mempermain and memperbodoh kan kw.

Aq tak pernah have such intentions.

Memang dulu aq jahat tapi sedaya upaya aq mencuba untuk berubah.

I spoke to Fino last night.

I couldn't hold it back anymore.

Bobby dearest saw me cry.

Bobby dearest felt how tight I hugged him.

I held tight the necklace that Latiif gave me for our monthversary give.

I will always remember how he caught me by surprise that faithful night.

Fino told me not to cry.

He comforted me.

Fino, I appreciate you being there for me.

Fino told me to move on and forget about Latiif.

It's hard to forget someone that you'll always remember.

There is just something about us.

I wake up and stare out my window.

I look at my phone hoping for a single text message from him.

All I get is nothing.

Then, the parking lot brings me back to those times when he'll wait for me on his motorbike before we go for our endless joyrides.

I walk past my void deck and it'll remind me of the hours we spent lost in each other's arms.

We'd take turns lying on each other's lap and fondling each other's hair.

We'd talk about random stuffs and I remember once upon a time when he played with my lips for at least half and hour.

I walk up the bridge on my way to work and looked across the canal.

I'd remember the bench where I'd lie on his lap and we'd enjoy the nights together.

How I wish someone could explain to me what I am feeling deep down inside.

I wish I could just hug him tight.

I promise I'd hold back my tears and not cry.

I just want to see him.

I missed kissing him.

I missed every moment that I spent with him.

For the past two days I woke up, I feel like going back to sleep again.

I don't wish to face the world.

I dread this life.

It's as though I've lost my sense of motivation.

My will to get up and go to work.

He'll be the first and last person I talk to everyday for almost 6 months.

In the past, he'll be there to make me laugh when I don't even want to smile.

I wish I could turn back time just once.

I dislike being left hanging with nothing but a thin thread that would snap at any moment.

I tried hard.

I really did.

If I wasn't happy about us, would I try so hard to salvage this relationship ?

But ...

If this relationship doesn't work out, I am never falling in love again.

The Loneliness - Babyface.
[Verse 1]

I'm sitting here,
Thinking bout
How I'm gon-na do without
You around in my life and how am I
I gon' get by

I ain't got no days
Just lonely nights
You want the truth
Well girl im not alright
Feel out of place and out of time
I think I'm gonna lose my mind

[Chorus]

So tell me how you feel (I'm lonely)
Are you for real (So lonely)
Do you still think of me (I think of you)
Baby still (Are you lonely)
Do you dream of me at night (Like i dream of you all the time)
So let me tell you how it feels (It's like everyday i die)
Wish I was dreaming but its real (when I open up my eyes)
Let me tell you how it feels (and don't see your pretty face)
I think that I will never love again ...

[Verse 2]

I miss your face
I miss your kiss
I even miss the arguments
That we would have from time to time
I miss you standing by my side

I'm dying here, it's clear to see
There ain't no you, God knows there ain't no me
Don't wanna live, I wanna die
If I can't have you in my life

[Chorus (repeat till end)]

So tell me how you feel (I'm lonely)
Are you for real (So lonely)
Do you still think of me (I think of you)
Baby still (Are you lonely)
Do you dream of me at night (Like i dream of you all the time)
So let me tell you how it feels (It's like everyday i die)
Wish I was dreaming but its real (When I open up my eyes)
Let me tell you how it feels (And don't see your pretty face)
I think that I will never love again ...

I wish I could have my life back.

(Fly away.)

Monday, October 13, 2008

3 days till the 6th monthversary.
Day 2 that we are not messaging and talking.

I had to wake myself up today.

I wasn't complaining but it would make me feel beetter if only he'd given me the usual morning wake up calls.

No miss calls nor messages.

My phone felt quiet today.

My endless messages and calls ended up with no response.

I just wished he'd talk to me and not leave me without answers.

To my dismay, this was the last straw.

I do not know till when this will continue going on.

I feel so down and out.

I really did not have the mood to even work today.

I did all my tasks half heartedly.

Quietly, I was hoping that every message that I received on my cell phone was from him.

What's the point now ?

He is obviously ignoring me.

What could I do now ?

Nothing.

Love hurts.

You bet it does but time and time again, people fall in love.

The irony of it.

):

I called him but he hanged up on me.

I did not deny the fact that I was wrong but it is not that I didn't apologise.

What do you expect me to do ?

Kneel down before you.

I tried calling and text messaging but you totally ignored me.

I really tried.

Like, what the fuck.

I am angrier than sadder right now.

Like, whatever.

Don't blame me when I am back to my old self.

Nevertheless, I just want you to know that I am sincerely very sorry about that incident.

I really hope that I don't do it again because I don't want any argument between us.

Kemelut di muara kasih - Ziana Zain.

Seandainya dapat kau selam,
Sambil mentafsir tasik hatiku;
Cuma tenang di permukaan,
Dan di dasarnya bergelora.

Persoalan demi persoalan,
Membelenggu akal dan fikiran;
Tidak ku temu jawapan.

Seandainya dapat kulari,
Jauh kupergi membawa diri;
Sebenarnya langkah terkunci,
Antara kasih dan juga budi.

Mengapa kau juga yang kurindu,
Walau sudah kutahu;
Payah bersatu hidup denganmu,

Engkau sungguh jujur dan ikhlas,
Terhadapku;
Tak pernah walau dalam sekalipun.

Kau minta ku membalas,
Semuanya itu lambang kesetiaanmu;
Bukannya mengaburi mata ini,
Atau sebaliknya.

Kita bagaikan pertaruhan,
Pada yang menyaksikan jauh manakah;
Kita bertahan.

Jika ku tersilap pastinya,
Dipandang hina.

Terlalu banyak sungguh halangan,
Terpaksa ku terjang;
Aku pun tidak tahu.

Apa yang ingin Tuhan tunjukkan,
Adakah ini dugaannya;
Hanyalah sekadar untuk menguji,
Setiamu ...

Seandainya hajat tak sampai,
Tanah dan badan pasti berkecai;
Terkubur harapan di liang cinta,
Kasih ini kita semadikan.

(Fly away.)

Sunday, October 12, 2008

4 days till the 6th monthversary.
Day 1 that we are not messaging and talking.

I should've spared my feelings for you.

Well, I admit I was foolish and naive.

I could never turn back time even if I wanted to.

You could never give me another chance anymore I presume.

I'm left hanging here desperately for my life.

It really bites especially when you don't know what is going on.

Yet, I promised myself I wouldn't cry.

I didn't but I felt so empty and lost.

It really feels weird this time round.

No matter how hard I tried to explain, you just wouldn't listen.

I was being honest.

I couldn't bring myself to lie.

Sometimes, the truth hurts.

Even so, what ever I did outside, I have set a limit for myself.

I promise myself I would never go beyond that fine, thin line.

I assume the trust isn't there anymore.

):

I'd try my best to wait and hold on.

I'd be honest again this time round.

I fell too deep into you.

Tonight is another sleepless night.

(Fly away.)

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Girls just want to have fun.

The shots below are dedicated to the one and only, "Si Kang Kang."

Enjoy.

Warning, viewer's discretion is advised.

(Fly away.)

Friday, October 10, 2008

Migraine.

Enjoy viewing my pictures.

(Fly away.)

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Nightmares.

Will anyone sing this to me ?

Last night trip to Orchard Road was fun.

(:

We ate at Puncak Restaurant at Far East Plaza.

Actually, we spent most of our times laughing, giggling and mengutuk orang.

:D

Tapi best.

After that we headed to Starbucks Cafe located somewhere near Forum Shopping Centre.

Before that, we decided to go exploring at Orchard Towers.

As it was still early in the evening, there weren't any transvestites or prostitutes.

We were pretty scared as what if some caucasian guys think that were were one of them.

Hence, we were walking together, holding hands and stuff.

So much to Sex in the city.

Hehehe.

Did I mention that all those girls were like staring at us.

Duhh.

We are way hotter than them.

Isn't it so obvious ?

Sorakan terakhir so fits into that atmosphere.

With all her short skirts and revealing outfits.

Eeewww.

Lol.

So, anyways we headed to Starbucks and cam-whored, gossiped and smoked.

Well, I smoked alot anyway.

Lol.

It was fun.

I can't wait for Ain to upload our pictures.

:D

But in the mean time, here are a few pictures I took yesterday.

Huhuhu.

So, we decided to leave around 1o.ooPM.

Before that, we actually went to the toilet and cam-whored somemore.

So, obviously it was a tribute to "Si Kang Kang", the pragawati.

Nak muntah seyy sebut that word, pragawati.

Eeewww.

Pantat mak aq lagi hot stuff.

Anyway, while we were waiting for the traffic light to turn green, Cik Noi saw a lady slipping on the front stairs of Orchard Towers.

As we were curious people, we decided to walk in front of her and see what's going on.

Goodness, we really regretted for acting so foolishly.

Sitting on the staircase was a transvestite.

I will not be apalled by that fact but obviously, it was sitting with it's legs wide open.

However, it wasn't wearing any panties.

Eeewww.

And, it was like a forest, there.

Can you imagine how gross that was.

We had to see it in real life !

That's like the most sickening thing that I have ever encountered in my life.

"I think it went for a sex change operation !"

"But why didn't it shave ?"

"Eeewww."

We walked in to 7-11 and stayed there abit.

"Let's buy a pair of scissors and maybe we could help her trim."

"The scissors will break. Let's use a pen knife instead."

We had to go towards the taxi stand.

Therefore, we had to walk past it again.

Doubly gross man.

It was still sitting there like a hungry wolf hunting it's prey.

While we were waiting for the cab, all the prostitutes and tranvestites started appearing out of no where.

Goodness, we were worst than men when we were looking at them !

I can't help it.

Some of them have such perfect bodies, that became the envy of many women.

Their boob jobs, facelifts and tummy tucks.

Yet again, they aren't true women.

I headed home by cab as I was too lazy to take the bus.

Sometimes, I really don't get it.

Hmm ...

Today, work was crap as usual.

I am not doing anything at the moment except indulging in Sushido on Viwawa.

Lol.

Did I mention that it is super addictive.

Lol.

So, today Charmane decided to fix her shoe because we have been talking about this really cute cobbler near our work place.

Then the topic, way sided itself to fetishes on porn videos about plumbers and delivery men.

Lol.

At first sight, this guy looks so Chinese.

Actually, he is a Malay guy.

Did I mention that he is uber cute.

Hahaha.

I have a crush on him.

Lol.

I hope my boyfriend doesn't get mad or jealous.

:D

Best picture of the day. His smile. Hehehe.

Just enjoy the pictures.

While I am updating this, I am so pissed off.

Kw sendiri cakap, 6th month anniversary, kita celebrate on Saturday.

Abeh sekarang cakap tak payah jumpa.

Tak kan anniversary sendiri nya plan pun lupa.

Chee bye uhh.