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Today, I'm feeling emo-ish. Lol. I'm darn serious. The good thing about it, is that I have the mood for the oh-so-expressive lyrics. Lol. I can't seem to find my handy dandy notebook though. It's this messy notebook full of weird scribbles. ((((: Mama is so troublesome. I have to accompany her to my "favourite" place. The Indonesian Embassy. -________- She is collecting her passport today. So, the filial daughter ... has to accompany her. Lol.

*If I lay here, if I just lay here. Would you lie with me and just forget the world ?

Yesterday, class was awesome. (((: Lol. But Lawrence repeated like almost everything. It was getting boring. ((((: The first thing Khairiah asked me when I stepped into class(I was late though) was that "Have you found yourself a job ?" I'm like ... No. Lol. I don't intend to work at this point of time. But that doesn't mean I'm not trying. =PP After class, I brought Khairiah to The Face Shop. She wanted to buy something to clear her blemishes. So like I recommended that Korean ... Wait, or is it a Japanese shop. I've got totally awful blemishes too. Thanks to the red-visitor-who-comes-and-visit-me-once-a-month. Crap. I must buy Lustre tablets/pills. Lol.

I met Khairul Anuar, his friend(I can't remember his name), Nana and Harris(Nana's boyfriend). They sat behind Seiyu's staff entrance. Then I realised. She is working. So, I like surprised her. Lol.

It takes two to tango. ((:

New lessons starting today. Wee. After a long one week break. ((: Today starting the Destination Management module. I'm so geeked. Anyway, Muz (ex-colleague) wanted to meet me today. I'm not sure whether I'm meeting him or not. Kinda don't feel like it. Maybe later I'll join Khairul Anuar, Nana and her boyfriend at their outing.

*Bathing and preparing for lessons. ((((:

HUNGRY !

When gays have wives, fiances, girlfriends and even mistresses. (:

Undecided of where to go. (: Helmi asked me to meet him and his cliques today. I don't mind but I'm abit reluctant though. I think one of his friend, whom I can't remember what his name is, is trying to flirt and hook up with me. *EWW. He's typically mat rep/gangster. Yucks. Yucks. Lol. I know I'll be meeting the Girlfriend today. She went shopping yesterday but I had to carry her shopping bags. I'm like her boyfriend like that. Lol. (:

Boredom. Boredom. Playing Literati again. Anyways, I try to wake up Khairul Anuar just now. (I can't stand his voice just now. Stop it uhh. Haha. Oops.) I'm kind of brain dead to blog. These few days I'm taking a break from the lyrical writings. No inspiration. (: I got scolded 2 days from Khairul Anuar because of my lyrical writings. He said they were to gory. He even called me emo. For the last time, I'm never emo nor gothic, just expressive. (((((:

*Preparing to go out. I'm still waiting for DXO to give me a call. If they are not going to call me, I'm going to be writing them a complaint letter. I'm dead serious.

P.s The caption above is intended for him-whom-I-shall-not-speak-his-name-of.

Have you ever felt so alone and nothing makes sense ? Well, that is how I feel right now. I feel that I'm facing everything by myself. With nothing but tears and a fake smile. :/

Boredom, yet again.

This whole week class is out. So, I have been bumming myself at home. I have got no choice. I'm sick and still sick. Lol. I spoke to An, yesterday about the current problems that I'm facing. Well, about being deceived and lied too. He told me to be strong about it and just concentrate on my studies. ((: Maybe he's right. At least, there is some motivation.

Lol. I spoke to Eka. I'm not sure what is her relationship with him-who-I-shall-not-speak-of-his-name. I assume though, she is his girlfriend. Gosh, I was being lied to. I think. I couldn't help it but stare at my monitor screen. It just amazes me that a guy whom is so nice like him, well liked by my parents is capable of doing something like this. Well, next time I have learnt not to judge a book by it's cover. Never, ever to rush into things too. ((: Or, I can let 2oo7 be the year of yes.

Why not go out on a date with everyone who asks me ? ((((:

Do you fear the unknown ?

Having oh-the-so-painful menstrual cramps again. -________- Boredom kills. Earlier on, I planned to accompany mama to send the idiotic brother to his tuition sessions but I decided not to. (: The awful cramps are unbearable not to mention the irrititating runny nose and fever I've been having since 2 days ago. Lol. (I used like 200 pieces of tissue paper. Or maybe more.)



More lyrical writings. Lol.

Upon the window ledge is where I stand,
As I felt you let go of your warm rough hands;
After all I did for you and we are just friends ?
Now my wonderful fantasy shattered to an end.

You should have guess I have fallen for you,
When I did for you things she would never do;
You shouldn't have hid from me the awful truth,
You should have never treated me like a fool.

I know I saw you holding hands with her,
How I wished I was the one you held near;
I don't want to lose you, that is all that I fear,
I want to hold you close, I want to hold you dear.

You stole my trust, you broke my heart,
You took my money then left me in the dark;
All that you left me was a deep and painful cut,
Forever seared like an awful mark.

Like a piece of paper, now I'm tattered and torn,
Naked and helpless in a place so forlorn;
All the smiles and wonderful memories disappeared and gone,
I'm watching the fast moving world as I sit here and mourn.



Let's get high of life. ((:

P.s Everything were just false pretences. I hate liars.

What other secrets do you really have ?
Did you plan to tell me or are you keeping it deaf;
What other secrets do you really keep ?
Did you plan to tell me even if it took you a week.

I felt so deceived, I felt too betrayed.
I felt disappointed, I'm left dismayed;
I was weakened deeply without your touch,
Even the stars know I missed you too much.

It sounded like a joke when you chose him over me,
The past sounded like crap when you told me everything lovely;
It sounded foolish when you told me all those lies,
It sounded astonishing when I told you I didn't and couldn't cry.

I never thought that you'd be this way,
I never believed that you could never change;
Now I'm always asking myself have I ever loved you,
Then I remember saying that love was never perfect nor true.

Will I ever regret the day when I felt for you ?
Even so, I can't deny the fact that you flew me to the moon;
I'll never forget that romantic ride
It's forever a reminiscent of an unexpected night.



Sick. -________-

I didn't sleep the whole day of yesterday and today. Lol. I had to follow Mama to the Indonesian Embassy and it sucked. The service there was awful, the customer service representatives were rude. Not only that, the management there sucked. How are we suppose to know that we had to fill in a form to renew the passports. (They actually hid the forms behind their counter and like we have to get it from them. Cant they just put the forms in a specific shelf to lessen the hassle.) The whole time I was there, all the Indonesian maids had this look weird upon me. Lame.

Sick. Sick. Sick. Sick. Sick. Sick. Sick. Sick. Sick. Sick. Sick. Sick. Sick.

I think I'm sick today because of yesterday. Crap.

*Playing game.

Last Saturday, we (The Girlfriend and I) were suppose to club at DXO. Due to some unforseen circumstances, the music faded away into the night.

Met Helmi and his cliques though that day too. (: We, as in the whole group, played pool for a whole 3 hours and it like cost $33.oo. They are really a bunch of awesome people but I think I must get to know more about them. It doesnt hurt to be friends, right. Thanks to Khairul Anwar, I've made another new friend too. (: Her name is Nana. Well, I havent actually met her but I think she's going to be a great person to hang out with. Though new cliques are rad, nothing can be compared to the one and only bestie, Fion. (: (I love and appreciate you alot, but I'm not and will never be lesbian.)

Fion, remember An ? That guy at Esplanade. Lol. He's a hairstylist. Maybe I can get a haircut for free.

P.s Light a candle for the innocent victims of online child abuse.

WE DONT NEED YOUR MONEY, WE JUST NEED YOUR SUPPORT.

DXO was a horrible experience. It was warm, humid, crowded and the music faded into oblivion.

When I'm trapped, unconscious inside a tightly capped jar,
Will you come and rescue me even from afar ?
Will you set me free as what I wish ?
Will you wake me up with one final kiss ?



I'm still coming up with more lyrical writings. (: It helps my creative side flow freely and also, I'm able to further improve my horibble English. I still need to imrove on my English. I think it's slightly above average. When Khairul Anuar read my blog, he called me goth. I'm never goth. (: I've been expressive since I was in Secondary 2. (; Well, maybe I'm innocently goth. Well, different is good. Right ?

It's 9.3o in the morning. Sadly, I'm unable to sleep. I'm still waiting for an email reply from he-whom-I-shall-not-speak-his-name-of. I believe that in life, there are a certain order of things. If you have the guts to ask me to be your girl face to face even going to the length of facing your phobia of heights, be a gentleman and ask for a proper break up. (When you come back from New Zealand. I'm reasonable, okae.) I know I'm being harsh to him. Everyone must be wondering, why can't this girl just get over it. Like I said, there are a certain order of things and I still go by that rule.

When Khairul Anuar said that "There is more that meet's the eye," he is right.



10 lines that'll get rid of your lover.

*"I need more time and more space. That's why I'm moving 12 hours and 7 states away. Yeah, sure. I'll call you ... the minute I get there."

*Answering machine : "Hi, I'm not home right now. If you are ______, please hang up. If you are any other available male, press 2 now."

*Dear Honey; Welcome to Dumpsville. Population : YOU.

*"The mother ship has returned and I must leave. Pay no attention to my android double when you see it."

*"You've become so incredibly unattractive during these few minutes, that I don't want to invest nmore time trying to sleep with you."

*"Sorry, but my leprosy is acting up again. Are you going to eat those fries ?"

*"Oh, hi Luqman ... Ehrmm ... Rusydi ? Ryan ? Ohh, I remember, it's Hadi, right ?"

*"You remind me of my dead ex-husband. Let's get married."

*"Would you like to meet my last boyfriend ? It's no problem, she's still chained up in my basement."

* No, seriously, I thought you were a woman the whole time we were dating."

P.s Since everyone wants to know how Im doing, actually ...

She's laid in a pool of blood,
What's a darker dungeon as one's own shattered heart ?
She never got to see her death;
She said those 3 words in one last gasping breath.

Clutched on his hand a sharp and rusty knife,
One final kiss and he ended her life;
But he's showed no remorse nor regret,
Their wonderful moments will he forget.

Yesterday night was a different story,
A moment of triumph, seared in their memories;
He loved her alot, she loved him too,
He's left all alone, confused and there's nothing he can do.



This is a very bad start of the New Year. My life is screwed up. -___- Anyway, enough of that crappy mumbo jumbo. I just feel so shagged. Remember on Monday I had to accompany Pak Agus on his business meetings. It was a new experience for me. We went to the industrial estates and they sure looked alien to me. But it was indeed a wonderful experience. But we had to go from one end of Singapore to the other end. The cab fares are so expensive. (:

This was a sweet beginning with a very bitter ending.

I can't help it. Im still reading the email he sent me. In fact he sent it to me twice. My first reaction was "What the fuck ?" I couldn't cry nor was I angry. I was just too lost for words. I immediately told Fion about it. She asked me how I was taking the bad news. She tried to console me. When I told her that I couldn't shed a tear or two for him, she got worried. She knows me well. She knew I'm naturally very emotional.

Seriously, I don't have the energy to cry anymore.

When you go will you even turn to say "I dont love you like I do yesterday" ?

But I kept thinking about all those sms-es he sent me, the kisses and hugs he gave me. Are those not sincere ? How about those times when he said he loved and missed me ? Did he say it because I wanted to hear it. He said he felt that he was cheating on me. Maybe I shouldn't have agreed when he asked me to be his girlfriend or maybe I shouldn't have let myself fall deeper for him.

):

I know I'll forgive him, but forgetting him ... It's impossible. I hate to admit it but it was one of the best relationship. Well, whatever it is. The next time I have to make a serious decision which involves me to be committed or strings attached to someone, I know I'm not going to rush into it and I'll definitely think twice about it.

For this point of time though, I've decided to take a break from love.

P.s I really have no mood to blog.

I don't know whether I should feel angry or should I cry.

However, Im very disappointed in you.

I knew that this will happen pretty much sooner or later but I never expect it to happen too soon.

If you feel that you are cheating on me, why did you ask me to be your girlfriend in the first place ?

It's not fair for me, don't you think so ?

Well, if you feel that I'm going to forget you that easily, I'll be waiting for you when you come back from New Zealand to explain things to me.

Yours Truly,

Synnta.

P.s I don't know how you are going to explain things to me but if it's a break up, I expect you to say it personally.

):

Fucked up, fucker. You think you can bring me down by hacking into my account ? Guess what ? Well, I'm back. But I'll make sure that when I find out who you are, you are waking up and breathing through a tube. Hate me eyy ? Well, GET OVER IT.

As all you frequent blog-hoppers can see, there are no more yesterdays, nothing reminiscent to read, no more lyrical writings and pretty much nothing. The only thing I can salvage from my previous blogskin was only my profile and the tagboard. -_- Why don't you give three cheers to the pyschothic blog-hacker who made my wonderful life more wonderlful as before. Wow. It just amazes me, why is he so free to actually hack into my ever so boring blog. I mean it. I sometimes think my blog is the most boring thing ever. (: The only thing I can just say to whatever that happened is ...



Anyway, enough of all this this unnecessary anger. Yesterday(Saturday), we went over to Sentosa to celebrate Idah's birthday. It was alright except for some unwanted visitors. BEES. No one knows where they magically appeared from.

Anyway, back to the happy moments. Ashraf called ME ! Woo hoo ! All the way from NZ. I missed him so much. Actually , ALOT. But I felt that it's better if we meet or talk to each other when he comes back from NZ rather than expecting his calls when he is actually at NZ itself. Tubby Hubby, dont get me wrong. Im not saying that you shouldn't call me. It's just that after you called me yesterday, I miss you more today than I missed you yesterday. ):

Just now went to Nek Sam's house to celebrate Qistina's birthday party-cum-doa selamat. It was alright as there is the cheesy hotdog which I simply cannot resist. I keep popping them into my mouth. *Yum. Yum. (: But at a certain period of time, there is a moment of awkward silence. AGAIN. Lol. I don't know, I'm in no position to comment anything. (: